Why do Women Get Accustomed to Abuse?

Updated: Mar 20, 2021

Emotional and Mental harrasment is also a form of abuse. Pic Credt: pexel.com
Emotional and Mental harrasment is also a form of abuse. Pic Credit: pexel.com

I grew up in a liberal family. Boys and girls were raised alike. So, the concept of women getting accustomed to abuse of any kinds - physical, emotional, verbal, economical, and mental raised many questions in my mind.


As a woman myself, I now understand how sometimes women find it hard to stand up for their rights and dignity. There are many reasons to keep their mouth shut and take life as it comes. The prominent being that their own family refuses to back them up.


We live in an era that has seen the boom of technology like never before. And yet, people continue to live their life on the notions set by their ancestors.


I feel that's not fair!


The biggest question however is Why? ... Why do women get accustomed to abuse?


According to an article that appeared in The Hindu last year (June 24) "About 86% of women who experienced violence never sought help, and 77% of the victims did not even mention the incident(s) to anyone".

Most women do not share about their abusive partner with anyone. But it is advisable to seek help.
Most women do not share about their abusive partner with anyone. But it is advisable to seek help.

Don't you find that alarming? It is indeed! And when a loved one, a friend, a neighbour, a colleague or someone you know goes through the abuse you realize the pain is real. They are helpless and you are clueless.


Stating the plight of many women amongst us is my poem 'Abuse' that I wrote sometime back. It shows how a woman's own family, friends and loved ones push her to stay in an abusive relationship. This poem is a reflection of our society's mindset. And these women who show her the way to deal with her situation are the ones who either didn't have the courage to stand up for themselves or made peace with their situation.


But why and how did they get accustomed to abuse? Because they were taught so by their mother, elder sisters or friends. And that is what they passed on to her.


--------------------------------------------------


Abuse


'He used words

That was rude

And demeaning.

He made you feel

Like a doormat.

He yelled

and swore on you.

But ya, he didn't hit you,

Push you

Nor he threw things at you.

All men do it.

It's just a phase of life.

You stay calm

And support him.

You will see him change'.

My mother advised me.

Bcoz she always saw

The charming him

In front of the crowd,

The people,

The relatives,

The neighbours...

That he never was for her daughter.


I thought,

Maybe, she is right.

It's not him.

It's me.

I tried hard

To change me

To keep the peace.

I tried hard

To explain me

Maybe,

It's just me!


'You are overthinking.

He is so good with kids.

And makes sure

To surprise you at times.

Your mountain is just

A mole.

For you are seeing things

From too close.

Just let go

Of the past

And give your marriage

Another shot'.

My sister thought

She was always right.

Bcoz I lose my temper

Soon

So, I may be the cause.


I listened to her.

But alas,

I listened to her

For too long.

I kept thinking

Maybe,