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  • Writer's picturePracchi Sachdev

Is Hiding Truth in a Relationship the Same As Telling Lie?

Ever reasoned yourself if hiding truth is as good as telling a lie?

We all will agree that we frequently tell white lies to our partner. We lie about late-night meetings at the office. We lie about the food tasting good to our loved one even when it's tasteless. You tell her she looks slim when you want to say fatso. We sometimes lie about our mental state and say 'I'm fine' when we really want to scream and say 'I need help'.

And the worst part is we are okay with these little white lies. Either because it saves us from trouble or it saves our partner from hurt. We think of white lies as harmless. But the big news is lying to your partner is never a good option however sugarcoated it is.

Hiding the Truth Vs Telling a Lie

Hiding the truth may not always be a lie. For example, if your partner has a deadly disease and you hide their actual condition from them to let them peacefully enjoy the number of days they have left to live, it is more like an innocent lie. But when you hide the truth with concealed motives - to manipulate, for personal gains or save yourself from trouble, you are putting your otherwise happy relationship at a risk.

What is a Lie? Why Do People Lie or Hide the Truth from Their Partner?

A lie is a false statement made with a deliberate attempt to deceive. A lie is also an intentional untruth. People lie a lot of times. But when you lie to your partner you are not only misleading them by manipulating or withholding the correct information but also breaking their trust.

Imagine, your partner has been lying to you all the while when you were together. His/her intentions may not have been wrong. But you hurt when you realized your partner didn’t trust you enough to handle the truth. What would be your first reaction?

Obviously, he/she broke your heart. You cry. You fight and you argue. You are so mad at your partner that you suddenly start doubting their intentions. ‘Trust, Respect, Love and Understanding’ are the four strong pillars on which a marriage/relationship rests. If you fall out of love and respect for each other you can still rebuild it with time. But trust once lost is difficult to earn.

So, why do people find a need to lie or hide the truth from their partner? And how to avoid telling lies.

We all know, the habit of lying can be damaging to our relationship. Yet we argue with ourselves that not telling our partner about our ex’s messages is to prevent them from getting hurt. Or by hiding our true feelings from our partner, when things are not going good, we are doing them a favour by suffering ourselves. There are many reasons people lie to their partners. Also, by hiding truth you put your relationship at risk.

You don’t want your partner to know your flaws - No one's perfect, not even your partner. If they have accepted you in their life, they have accepted you with your shortcomings too. We all are a package deal of good and bad. Don’t make your flaws a big deal. Accept yourself as you are and learn from your mistakes and experiences.

You don’t want to feel embarrassed in your partner’s eyes - You don’t have to share your embarrassing moments with anyone, not even your partner. But if you are lying for self-gain or personal agenda it can definitely harm your relationship.

You want to avoid a conflict or an argument - A healthy argument or a conflict in opinion is good for a relationship. If you remain the same as you were last month it means you have stopped growing. It is good to see things from others perspective too. These ways you both can reach a point of harmony and sail through a period of conflict.

You think your partner will not understand your needs - There is a saying ‘Be careful, who you tell your secrets to. Not everyone is looking out for you’. Communication is the key to helping your partner understand how you feel about certain things. It’s only an assumption that your partner may not understand your deepest feelings. Have you tried talking to them? Your partner will always have your back.

You need a vent for your pent-up emotions but don’t want to be the weak one in your relationship - We all hit rock bottom in our life. And it is okay to fall, get hurt, and sulk at times. Vulnerability is not a weakness. It is what makes you human. Don’t you think it is better to cry with someone who knows you well rather than pent-up your emotions and spoil your relationship by lying about your situation?

You and your partner don’t have similar interests and you feel uneasy telling him/her about your plans with friends/colleagues - It is okay to have different interests. Maybe, you are a traveller and your partner is a home buddy. Big deal! You don’t even share the same interests as your parents or siblings. Yet you all did stick together long enough. So what’s different when we think of the same situation with our partner? Tell the truth if you have plans with your friends who share the same interest as yours. If communicated effectively, you may not have to lie about anything.

Mostly, people lie to their partner to maintain a peaceful environment at home - Did you think you could avoid a fight or an argument forever by hiding the truth? Think again! Too much peace can also make your partner suspicious of your intentions. And the small little lies told every now and then could prove fatal for the future of your relationship.

Last but not the least, you are emotionally or physically invested with someone else - This is the biggest setback to any committed relationship. If you are seeing someone else or relying on an outside party (someone other than your partner) for your emotional or physical needs, talk to your partner about this. Surely they may be mad at you. But lying can mess up things big time. Especially, if they find out through someone else, it may be shattering. If you have fallen out of love and think there is no way to get back together, it is better to end the relationship rather than leaving your partner feeling betrayed.

What can Hiding Truth or Telling a Lie Do to Your Relationship?

However harmless or white you may think the lie is, it will do the same damage as an intentional lie. And hiding truth from your partner can also backfire leading to consequences like ending your once happy relationship.

If you have still not realized how a lie can affect your contended life, it’s time you gave it some serious thought.

  • One lie is never enough. Sooner than you know you may become a habitual liar. Once your partner finds out you not only lose respect in their eyes but you lose their trust forever.

  • Lying shows that you think it is okay to deceive your partner. Whatever the intensity, remember, lies are damaging. Trust is an important pillar on which your relationship stands. If it breaks the chances are high that your relationship will collapse sooner or later.

  • Your partner can become suspicious once they realize you are hiding or withholding the truth from them. In the pressure to keep a tab on your words, and trying to make sense of things they may end up ruining your life and their own.

  • A hint of dishonesty can completely sabotage a beautiful relationship.

  • Your lies can get you in deep shit. If that’s where you are heading, no one can help!

  • Sometimes it’s too late to apologize. It becomes hard or nearly impossible to regain your partner’s trust.

When two people are in a committed relationship, it is advisable to keep doors open for a healthy conversation. It helps both people to understand each other better and leaves less to no scope of lies among them.

Remember the old saying, ‘if you have to hide it or lie about it, you should not be doing it in the first place’.

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