Building relationships is hard work. But these days I am amazed to see how Bollywood fairytales are damaging our real-life relationships. We, the generation of instant gratification, believe in replacing people, like things, when we have a fall out because our partner doesn’t match our bolly comparison.
I still stand against patriarchy that has been overruling women’s choices and desire for a healthy and happy life. At the same time, I firmly maintain that no relationship comes with a hundred per cent guarantee of love, trust and understanding. It is years of patience, compromises, care and flexibility that make a perfectly imperfect couple coexist peacefully, with a few hiccups in their marital bliss.
Bollywood has always upped its romance game showing us an alternate reality that we all want, but a kind that usually does not exist. Meeting your soul-mate, an overly understanding and loyal partner, out-of-the-world loving family and happy endings, are just a few high standards the reel life has set for common people like us. And by the time we realize it's a trap, we are already trapped. So what to do when you start comparing your life to your favourite Bollywood movies and start wanting a fairytale life out of your television screens.
Your Partner's Looks Shouldn’t Matter, His Character Should - Bollywood has set a typical look-o-meter of how our partner should look like. And most of us forget that looks won’t matter as we begin to age. Maturity and wisdom tell us a person with a good heart and strong character is an apt choice for a committed relationship. It is the personality of the individual that you should be worried about when you think of getting into a long-term companionship. Beauty will fade away with time. But the years you spend together will only refine your relationship if you choose your partner wisely. It is time to break bolly barriers and see beyond a scripted life.
No One’s Perfect, Not Even Your Partner - Understand that no one's perfect, neither you nor your partner. We all make mistakes, tell white lies and try to manage life with people around with as little chaos as we can. But we cannot avoid the storm when it comes. Movies don’t show the hurdles a couple faces after marriage. It ends where the boy finally persuades the girl to fall in love with him, and the caption reads ‘happy beginning’. Of course, it is always a joyride when you start dating because each party puts their good side up. Once married our cracks begin to leak. Remember, it is up to you to set reasonable couple goals that both of you can meet midway. A Bollywood emotional movie will show hearts changing in the blink of an eye. But the idea here is to accept the person as he/she is without defining them on the lines you want to see them as. Stop rating your partner on bollymeters.
There Are No Happy Endings - Life is an ongoing journey. It is not a three-hour movie that starts with a problem and ends in happy reunions. You’ll often have to make tough decisions. You may not get the knight in the shining armour you have so eagerly been waiting for. Your partner will be as flawed as you are. So your assumption of a ‘forever loving handsome/beautiful partner’ will be shattered if you keep believing every romantic Bollywood movie you come across. Real-life relationships have their own challenges. You have to work hard alongside your partner for a fulfilling relationship you two want to enjoy. Every marriage has problems, the intensity may vary, but there is no such thing as happily ever after. So try and keep your expectations low and strengthen the bond as you both travel through this unknown territory.
You Cannot Force Someone To Love You - Over the years Bollywood movies have changed our beliefs of loving and being loved. Movies have legalised stalking for love, violence in love, crime in love, abuse in love, so much that people believe everything’s fair in love. No, everything is not fair in love. Movies are penned. The actor does not go to jail for his misconduct. His/her life is not ruined when he/she goes chasing for love, instead, the other gender is shown falling in love with a persuasive character. In real life persuasion to get someone’s attention doesn't always work in your favour. And moreover, it's frightening when someone does not understand that ‘no’ means ‘no’. It's an onscreen drama. Real-life love crimes can land you in a soup. Understand that forcing someone to love you is not love. And there is no such thing as a love-hate relationship. Either you love someone or you hate someone.
Wake Up! Romance Is Not Constant In Marriage - While Bollywood movies have a fascination for unrealistic romance but in real life, the excitement begins to fade with time. As the couple sets in a routine, reality hits hard. There are bills to pay, parents that need caring, jobs to cater to, kids to raise, and people depending on you. Finding time for each other becomes a number on our to-do list and sex becomes a chore than spending quality time together. Candle-light dinner, long drives, luxury vacations, and coffee dates eventually become a thing of the past. The honeymoon period is over as soon as you realize you have to work hard to put food on the table. If you find yourself sulking that your partner is not as lovable as he/she was prior to marriage, blame it on Bollywood's unreasonable depiction of love. Moreover, I feel that to keep the romance alive you should stop waiting for an illustrative show of love. Rather start to notice the small things your partner does for you. Don’t forget love is in the details.
Communicate Your Feelings - Even if your partner is madly in love with you, it still holds true that they can’t feel your pain by looking into your eyes. But hey seriously, Bollywood makes you believe that. Ok, can you tell when your partner is sad, upset or going through a rough patch? Going with the truth here, no you can’t! Then why set your partner up to fall into this trap? We all have a busy life. And we hardly get time to catch up with each other and ask how our partner's day was. And still, we want our partner to look into our eyes and feel our pain. Have you heard ‘you get what you ask for? So if you don’t communicate and don’t let the other person know how you are feeling, they will probably never know. Because it's real life. They are not reading any scripts to see through your soul. Express your emotions and give them a chance to reciprocate. Keep your goals realistic.
We all want to feel loved and special in someone's life. And why not? We all deserve a little love and care. But a piece of advice here, when looking at your partner, don’t measure them on the scale of 1 to Bollywood romance. Talk to them, talk a lot, and know them better. He/she may not be close to looking like the Badshah or Queen of Bollywood but could be the only one for you. So if you are single and ready to mingle, meet people with an open mind. And if you are happily married, know that your relationship will survive more on compatibility than your fairytale romance.
Happy Real Life Romancing!!
Share your idea of a real-life romance and maybe you could help someone come out of their unrealistic Bollywood romance goals.