As humans, we all have an urge to feel loved and wanted, especially in our most cherished relationship, marriage. But when the honeymoon period is over and life comes back to the reality of paying bills and managing home and family, we trip over. Because down this road love starts to fade away slowly.
Knowing the top 10 reasons why married couples fall out of love can help you work on your relationship from a newer perspective. Most of the time we pass through our daily routine mechanically, as if on an automated mode. The same thing happens to our love and sex life.
We begin saying I love you out of habit without meaning it. And our bedroom sex becomes like a chore on the decided days. The couple, prematurely in their marriage, reach the conclusion that if passionate love has passed them by love has faded from their married life. Do you feel the same?
Passionate Love Vs Compassionate Love
When we talk about love, it is not always about intensity but intimacy too. Passionate love begins at the onset of a relationship where the couple seems to be madly in love, see’s the other as a perfect match, and always craves for each other’s company. It is the result of intense feelings and sexual attraction.
As you begin to settle into your married life, passionate love simmers down to compassionate love, which is all about, affection, feelings, trust, commitment, communication, and intimacy. The need to care for the other person and be cared for becomes overwhelming.
The journey from passionate love to compassionate love is not always smooth. Sometimes in a marriage, the couple loses the balance that is maintained by contributing equally to the alliance. One person gives without understanding where to stop giving. While, the other one becomes habitual of receiving, be it love, care, attention, pampering, without feeling a need to reciprocate.
This is the beginning of a never-ending frustration in married life. When we cannot differentiate the two forms of love we end up frustrated and confused. For you love can mean being sexually attracted to your partner, but your partner may be looking for a deeper connection in this relationship. Try to communicate how you both feel about each other. If something is bothering you, try to meet each other's expectations amicably.
If there has come a pause in your sexual intimacy, passionate love can always be revived. Plan dinner dates, surprise each other occasionally, getaway (just the two of you ) for a short vacation. Do activities that you both enjoy together. To keep the compassionate love reciprocating, bond over everyday communication, talk about your future plans, do small things for your significant other that show you care. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Lastly, try and keep the arguments to the specific problem rather than condemn your better half for their behavior triggered by the situation at the moment. It's nasty! Especially saying mean things to the one person you decided to spend your whole life with.
Married Couples Falling In And Out Of Love. But, When Does Love Begin To Fade?
This is a tricky question. But in every couple’s life, love does seem to fade from time to time. Couples fall in and out of love. Love can begin to fade as soon as two years into a relationship or as later as spending a good two decades with the same person.
There is no season for couples to love each other or to stop loving each other. But there sure are reasons that your marriage is heading for a bumpy ride.
Let’s See The Top 10 Reasons Why Married Couples Fall Out Of Love
Marriage is hard work. It takes a lot of effort and a few pitfalls before you end up creating a strong bond. No one warns us about the not-so-happily ever after situations. The fact is, there will be gloomy days, crazy days, fighting days, silent days, love days, happy days, hate days, lonely days, just name the feeling, and it is there. Primarily, the reasons for married couples to falling in and out of love depends on these factors:
Do you communicate regularly about your feelings? If you sulk and keep your bothering thoughts to yourself rather than sharing them with your partner, it will eat you up eventually. The frustration building up inside will start to affect your marriage. This does more harm to your relationship than you can imagine.
No one is perfect. We all are flawed. But every time you have an argument with your spouse, do you belittle them by saying mean things? If yes, try and stick to the problem at hand rather than making them feel ashamed of their shortcomings. Your spouse may be trying hard to change their not-so-good habits. Be patient with them. Your partner needs your support as you need theirs. And a healthy argument is the key to holding your relationship together.
Do you have a habit of playing blame games when things go wrong, as they sometimes will? Or when you fight, rather than looking for solutions you poke a finger at your partner and tell them that because of their behavior you were forced to say mean things to them. If that’s the case every time, love is sure to jump out of the window.
You don’t accept your mistake when you are wrong and do not take responsibility for your actions. Blaming your spouse for what goes wrong in your life is not justified. Remember Newton’s third law of motion, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The same law applies to relationships and emotions.
You have stopped asking your partner how their day was. Believe me, taking out a moment to talk about your day and asking your spouse how their day was, helps build trust and love between the couples. And trust in a marriage goes a long way.
You use the phone as an escape plan than spending time with your partner. Just because you are afraid that your communication may turn into arguments, you have stopped interacting with your spouse. There are ways to have healthy communication. Make an effort. Keep your phones switched off when having meals together, or when you both are wanting to spend some quality time together.
When you make your partner realize that since they are not contributing financially to the household, they are not contributing at all, it tears them apart. If either of you has decided to be a stay-at-home partner, it means the decision was mutually taken. So, demeaning your better half for not earning bread and butter is a bit harsh, and can push them away. A house is made of walls but a home is made of people living in it. And when your spouse is a stay-at-home parent, it isn’t an easy job either. It’s a 24*7 thankless job. Understand, they are contributing to keeping the family together. The day you stop acknowledging and appreciating their efforts, love also begins to take a back seat.
Your spouse is the one planning surprise, dinner dates, outings while you are always the one at the receiving end. It will end up making your partner feel unwanted and uncared for in the relationship. And woosh, love begins to fade gradually. Do a little homework about your spouse’s likes and surprise them every now and then. Your partner also expects to be loved in return. When both of you contribute equally in your marriage, love won’t have to fight to find its place within your heart and your life.
Are you keeping secrets from your partner? In a long-term relationship, the core foundation is trust. If you both are living a parallel life under one roof, then the future of your relationship is doomed. It isn’t necessary to give a minute-to-minute update, but your spouse should know if your ex has entered the scene again. Or bigger decisions like planning to buy a new property/car or any decision that involves the two of you.
The last but not the least reason on the list is taking each other for granted. When two people madly in love finally tie the knot, they start getting comfortable with the fact that this marriage is forever. Your marriage does not come with a guarantee card. It too has an expiry date if you mistreat each other. Understand, your spouse may not have decided to divorce you so far because they may still be seeing hope with you. Appreciate each other often. 'Thank you' and 'sorry' at the right moment will go a long way in building a strong foundation for your relationship.
When you introspect, you might find your own reasons to see why love, if it has, faded away from your marriage. It is always a choice you make, whether to let it fade away and finally say goodbye to the one who stood by you at your good and worst times. Or to make an effort and revive your dying relationship.
If you always keep expecting your spouse to be the one to hold your relationship together, it won’t work for long. Love is always a two-way street. If you do not reciprocate, it’s sure to fade away within days, months, or years to come.