Don’t Be a Good Girl - And Here’s Why You Would Agree With Me!

The good girl syndrome was at its peak when our Indian cinemas and daily soaps started casting women into god-like roles. The sanskari beti and agyakari bahu’s popping right out of serials like Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi and Kahani Ghar Ghar Kii types from the 90’s defined and boxed women into a space of sacrificial commandos - soldiers of self-denial. Brimming with pride, they carried the weight of the entire family’s actions and consequences on their fragile yet ever-smiling shoulders. These women painted the picture of good girls that seemed more reel than real.

I always had this irritable tightening feeling in my stomach every time I watched a new episode. How can someone be so insanely stupid, sacrificing, and accommodating, as if screaming with joy “I’m a doormat, please walk all over me!” But when I look back now, I realize I wasn’t much different. The only difference? My stage wasn’t on TV. It was real life. And when I did ask a few uncomfortable questions that shook the fragile pillars of sanskaar, I was shunned faster than a plot twist in a daily soap. So, I zipped my mouth and smiled through the suffocation.

Now, nearly finishing half a century, after playing the good girl, the nice one, the peacekeeper, the eternal accommodator, I finally cracked the code. Being nice to people and falling into the Good Girl Syndrome trap  are two completely different things. If you feel the pressure of being a “good one” is weighing you down, keep reading. You’ll soon see how this innocent-looking label has been messing with your mind and your life plans.

Draped in grace. Drowning in expectations. There is an internal struggle under the facade of perfectionism.

Sharma Ji Ki Beti - The Epitome of the Good Girl Syndrome

We have all been reprimanded using the example of “Sharma ji ki beti,” haven’t we? So, what was it that this idol beti did that we were not capable of achieving. She obeyed her elders without questioning their authority. She was A+ student, eager to help, organized, homework always on time, teacher’s pet, parents' pride, and the undisciplined, naughty, often labelled badtameez or rebellious sibling’s opponent. In short, Sharma ji ki beti was a people pleaser, wearing a facade of perfection.

Often behind that mask hid an internal battle, prioritizing others' expectations over one's own needs.

What Is the Good Girl Syndrome?

Let’s get this straight. Good Girl Syndrome isn’t some clinical condition you can treat with pills and therapy sessions (although, honestly, therapy wouldn’t hurt). It’s that quiet, invisible programming that teaches girls from childhood to be pleasing, polite, and perpetually apologetic.

It starts with being told, “Good girls don’t talk back,” “Good girls adjust,” “Good girls keep everyone happy.” And before you know it, you’re carrying the emotional baggage of everyone around you, because apparently, your happiness is the least important thing in the room.

Simply put, good girls are kind, docile, self-sacrificing, and obedient. Often arising from cultural and societal expectations, this behaviour leads to seeking external approval, often at the cost of a girl’s emotional and psychological well-being.

How Indian Media Fed the Good Girl Syndrome

Our moms, I’m sure, were smitten by the idea of Tulsi and Parvati; not just the picture-perfect bahu’s of the family, but the ever-smiling, always-sacrificing, and never-complaining women without whom the "family izzat" would cease to exist. 

Ah, how swiftly the golden age of television romanticized the idea of a good girl. Clad in a six-yard Banarasi, overloaded with shining jewellery (reminded me of Bhappi Lahri), managing the household dramas all dolled-up since 5 am, never bothering sleep; enduring every humiliation, injustice, and heartbreak, all while smiling through tears.

Babes, it was exhausting just describing that!

The message: to be loved, you must be endlessly giving.

No wonder an entire generation of women grew up believing that boundaries are rude and self-respect is optional.

My Journey Through the Good Girl Trap

I’m not proud to admit but in spite of being reasonably confronting, I too fell in The Good Girl trap. I’ve always had my opinions on every matter. I believed straightforwardness would help me create meaningful relationships; that honesty and loyalty were a badge to be worn with pride.

The reality of married life dropped the bombshells of realization. I started playing dumb, undermining my achievements to make my partner feel better, staying silent to maintain peace, stopped asking questions to keep my sanity; all in the hope to be loved, respected, and safe.

I was wrong. 

Love flew out the window sooner than I anticipated, respect was never on the menu, and safety in my own house became my prime concern.

Somewhere between trying to keep everyone happy and trying not to be “too much,” I had lost sight of who I was. And that’s the moment the Good Girl Syndrome tightened its grip, whispering, “Don’t rock the boat. Don’t speak up. Don’t upset anyone.”

It took me 15 years, a big leap of faith, and enormous courage to break the cycle of fitting in the “good girl” mould.

Signs You Might Have The Good Girl Syndrome

Before you roll your eyes and say, “Not me,” hold that thought. Let’s do a quick self-check. If any of these sound a little too familiar, you might just be part of the club:

1. You struggle to say no

You’d rather inconvenience yourself than disappoint someone else. Because, God forbid, someone thinks you’re selfish.

2. You crave external approval and validation

You wait for someone else’s thumbs-up before believing you’re doing fine. Compliments feel like oxygen, criticism like a punch to the gut.

3. You avoid conflict like it’s the plague

You keep the peace, even when it costs you your sanity. You think silence equals strength, when in reality, it’s slow self-erasure.

4. You’re trapped in excessive perfectionism

Everything has to be flawless, from your work to your relationships. You carry this invisible pressure to never mess up, even when no one’s watching.

5. You live with excessive self-demand

You expect yourself to manage it all, be the good daughter, the perfect friend, the reliable colleague, without breaking a sweat. But deep down, you’re running on fumes.

6. You feel guilty for putting yourself first

Whether it’s taking a nap, saying no, or choosing yourself, guilt hits like an unwanted guest who refuses to leave.

7. You’re emotionally exhausted

Because constantly being “the good one” drains you. You’re tired, not just physically, but emotionally. You want to stop being everyone’s savior and finally be your own.

If you nodded to more than two of these, congratulations, you’ve just identified your membership card to the Good Girl Syndrome club. The good news? You can unsubscribe anytime you want.

Breaking Free From The Good Girl Syndrome

If you resonate with the above symptoms in yourself, worry not - you still have a chance to break free. It’s been years of subduing your self-worth, second-guessing your decisions, and relying on other people to validate your existence. With a little effort and small steps toward self-growth, you can consciously stop sabotaging your happiness.

Listen up darling, no one cares what you are feeling unless they are at the losing end. It’s time to shun the voices in your head, let go of the need to please others, and stop agreeing just to maintain peace. 

Remember, ‘No’ is a complete sentence. And voicing your opinion matters, as long as you are ready to face the storms that follow.

Redefining What It Means To Be Good

Labels are created to control what the world fears. Maybe it’s time to let go of your “good girl” title and choose authenticity instead. The truth is, you can be kind and assertive; respectful and rebellious. 

We’ve been trained to believe that being good is about being liked. But the older I get, the more I realize, I’d rather be real than liked. Have opinions. Laugh loudly till your jaw hurts. Let your light shine, and stop being endlessly available. Your boundaries aren’t rude; they are protection from being manipulated, used, or abused. 

So, here’s the new definition:

A good woman isn’t one who bends to fit the mould.

She’s the one who breaks it gracefully, unapologetically, and sometimes with a smirk.

Because being “good” isn’t about following rules made by others. It’s about being true to yourself, no matter how inconvenient that truth is for the world.

And if that makes you “too much” for some people?

Maybe they were never meant to handle someone this real.