Top 5 Reasos We Give Ourself to Stay in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship & Cry on Social Media
Updated: Dec 17, 2018
Social media has evolved over the years. The new groups emerging on Facebook seem to have become a personal affair for many. People have learned to vent out their anger, share their frustration and sorrows on these groups to strangers seeking advise.
Matrimony advises, legal matters, separation, divorce and whether to stay with an abusive partner or not, are general topics of discussion on many of the women groups.
Private life's of people have become an open book for everyone to read. I still remember the times when we had our siblings, best friends or cousins to help resolve our issues.
We used to look forward to the long walks at night post-dinner. My friend and I talked about everything, from boyfriends to bullies, from class homework to holiday projects, from books to movies. It seems ancient when people talked face to face and kept their personal life private.
As much as the social media has proved a blessing so has it proved a curse. And will continue to be so, as neither situations would change nor people's mindset that craves for instant solutions in a fast-growing insta world.
So while scrolling through the every day post on my FB page, I came across a post about a women's miserable life, posted by herself. Her husband is abusive. The couple has a kid and because both of them were working someone was needed to take care of the kid. When in-laws refused to help the lady's parents pitched in. The husband verbally abused his mother-in-law to an extent that she was hospitalized.
As much I pity the lady's mother, so much I was sorry for the lady who posted this on social media seeking advice as to what her next step should be.
This is just an example. I scrolled down to find 10 plus more such posts. I wanted to write on each one of the FB post, stop looking for help outside you. Look within. You will find your self-respect lying broken and shattered somewhere. Gather yourself up and for once stand up for your basic human right, that is, to be treated as a human.
But alas, I didn't. I found people were happy staying sad. They found solace in playing a victim. They found strength in telling the world that they are suffering.
For as much as I have come to understand life and people, the ones who talk about their problems are scared to take action. But the ones who fight back for their dignity without announcing to the world become inspiring stories.
Facebook posts reveal that there are a lot of women facing emotional abuse (apart from other domestic violence) in their daily life. Either because of shame or fear, they hold themselves back to ask for help from their loved ones. Hence, social media serves a reachable platform for emotional outbursts.
Some posts are elaborate and nearly every post ends with reasons to back up why it is ok for them to suffer in silence. I learned that the reasons people give themselves to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship are alarming.
Here are a few reasons stated in almost every FB advice seeking post that caught my attention, and made me think about their rationality.
• Kids: Couples who had a child(ren) were more likely to stay together even in the worst case scenario (as per the FB posts). Women often feel that if their husband is a good father they can easily ignore the fact that he is emotionally abusive with her.
Shake yourself out of your fantasy land darling. Face the truth that you are being treated like a doormat. Beware, kids learn more by imitating than any other means. So just to give your child a safe future do not put up with an abusive partner. Do not risk his future by raising him to become like his father.
Raise your voice. Stop playing a victim. And for your child's sake take a stand. Even if it means staying together while creating safe boundaries for yourself. Let your son learn it is not okay to treat a woman like she's nothing. And train your daughter to be impatient of anyone who does not treat her with respect.
Love yourself enough to be emotionally equipped if you find no one around to wipe your tears.
• Financial Independence: Most of the women are financially dependent on their husband. A point totally is taken without any argument.
But if you stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship for long without any improvement, don't you think it is time to make some amendments!
We all have some talent. We are either born with it or we acquire skills. If you do not have an option to work for long hours outside the house, consider some work from home option. There are a lot of opportunities these days where you can work from the comfort of your home and manage your everyday chores without distractions.
Money management is all about time management. Once you start earning, you will have the confidence to make your own decisions.
• Handling In-laws: Simply put, if love could not bind your extended family to you over the years you spent with them, nothing would. It goes either way as love and acceptance is a two-way street.
If his parents do not interfere when your husband abuses you in front of them or others, make sure you do not let them speak when you are making your point. No, I am not saying disrespect your elders but age is no criteria for respect!
Be wise enough to make the right choices at the right time.
• My Parents won't support, where will I go: Of all the reasons stated, I find this one quite appalling. After all, which home is our home. After marriage our parents disown us. When there are problems in a marriage, husband and his family disown us.
Reading this as one of the reasons in today's time actually came as a shock. What kind of parents or siblings do not support their own daughter when she is already emotionally broke!
But the fact is many women do not have an option to go back to their families, for whatever reasons. So for them staying in an emotionally abusive and draining relationship becomes the way of life.
One's self-confidence shakes when the realization dawns that in this big world you stand all alone, with no one to support and nowhere to go.
The question worth asking oneself here is, If we have learned to self-pity for years, can’t we learn to rise above our situation? Remember, we bring the change we want. We are the change we seek. So stop looking for people to support you. Take tiny steps by working from home. Bring your knowledge and talent to right use and change your life!
• Time will heal: I have heard this unsolicited advice given to women when they face any kind of abuse in their married life. Be patient, time will heal. Give him space, it must be office stress, time will heal.
Babes, the time is now or never. And if you keep taking crap from him, time will come when you will be in a deep shit. Time never heals anything. We heal ourselves.
Remember, no one cleans a dirty ass.
Do not wait for your abusive partner to change. If he could not change in a decade, he probably never would. So put your foot down, know your rights and turn the tables.
The first step is always difficult. But you don't get to live the life you want in the warmth of your comfort zone.
So go girl... You deserve an Awesome life!
To every woman out there who is facing any kind of abuse, remember to be the Heroine of your life, not the Victim!
About the Author: Born and raised in Gurgaon, the millennium city of India, Prachi Sachdev Mendiratta is a freelance blogger at various platforms. She is a graphic designer, a video editor and a painter by choice. A hippie at heart travelling has been her passion for ever since she remembers. She loves to read books that inspire. She also loves to read books depicting life of people from varied cultures across the globe. Her favourite authors are Robin Sharma, Paulo Coelho and now Jean Sasson, apart from others. Her favorite quote is, 'The Time is Now or Never'.